One of the ironies of Mom's life is that every six months she has to sign a statement that she has not remarried. If we do not get these pieces of paper sent in, her US military annuitant paychecks stop coming.
Never mind that she is 88 years old, incontinent, afflicted with dementia, and in a wheelchair.
The US military thinks she might remarry. She became a widow in 1993, and it's now 2007, but they're convinced she might still scare up a suitor or two.
Here's the letter they send:
Certificate of Eligibility
We have not received the Certificate of Eligibility (COE) we previously sent you.
We have suspended your annuity until we receive a completed COE.
Please complete, sign, and return this COE to Defense Finance & Accounting Services, US Military Annuitant Pay, PO Box 7131, London, KY 40742-7131.
If you have any questions, call toll free 1-800-321-1080.
Your marital status is required to update your account, please attach a copy of your marriage certificate.
___ I did not marry in the past year.
___ I married in the past year (please attach a copy of your marriage certificate).
Nothing I write to them on these forms can convince them that she is in imminent danger of remarrying and thus becoming disqualified for this pension.
Maybe we should fly to Kentucky and present the evidence.
I don't explain the form to Mom any more, joking that they wonder if she remarried.
It just starts her thinking and talking about the delicious possibility of remarrying.